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Fri, Feb. 24th, 2006, 09:46 pm

New LJ: deleting this one.
ToDiscernMyself is el nombre nuevo.

Thu, Feb. 23rd, 2006, 09:16 pm

"Fuck it man, lets get killed in the Middle East. It's a lot warmer there anyway."

I hate it when I get this bit of realization that everything is worthless and stupid.
Cryptic OOHOOOHOHO#$#Q@$RFDSFsdf
Fuck me.


Edit:
I can do 5 pull ups now. Yippie!

Wed, Feb. 22nd, 2006, 10:38 pm

I am losing it.

Wed, Feb. 22nd, 2006, 01:39 pm

I have been excersizing like a freaking mad man and I have lost a couple pounds of fat and I think I've gained a couple in muscle. I love the feeling after you work out really hard. But then you feel like achy ass the next day.

Sat, Feb. 18th, 2006, 04:10 am

MAaaaaaaaaaaaagnetic fields. That's all there need be.
So I suppose a soldiers life it is for me.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
I'm really fucked up right now and life is going poorly. Something ended that mattered. Inevitably ended, but it mattered.
So as I sit here and contemplate the future, what even is the 'future'? What does that mean to me? Freedom? Happiness? Marriage? A quiet life?
Or am I really doomed to die out there somewhere?
But like they say "It don't mean nothing, not a thing."
I'm so tired right now , but I'm too excited to find out what happens to our hero in the next chapter.
Will he find the quiet hamlet in the hills and settle after his conquest? Or will he be slain by the hordes?

I am so fucking tired of this town. I am a fake personality and an unnatural joke of a human. Maybe thats what I'm trying to find with this. I may have never known myself truly, and I'm out there lookin' for it. Might kill me to find it.

Speaking of inhumanity, I need to start running my fat ass off. I probably look like 180 lbs of chewed bubblegum right now. I need to be strong now.

The story of my life.

Dehumanization.

Thu, Feb. 16th, 2006, 11:53 pm

"You talking about killing? Hmm? Y'all experts? Y'all know about killing? I'd like to hear about it, potheads.
[takes pipe and inhales drag]Are you smoking this shit so's to escape from reality? Me, I don't need this shit. I am reality. There's the way it ought to be, and there's the way it is. Elias was full of shit. Elias was a crusader. Now, I got no fight... with any man who does what he's told. But when he don't, the machine breaks down. And when the machine breaks down, we break down. And I ain't gonna allow that... in any of you. Not one. Y'all love Elias. Oh, you wanna kick ass. Yeah. Well, here I am, all by my lonesome. And there ain't nobody gonna know. Six of you boys against me. Kill me. Huh. I shit on all of you. " - Sgt. Barnes




"Maybe I finally found it, way down here in the mud. Maybe from down here I can start up again, be something I can be proud of, without having to fake it, be a fake human being." - Chris Taylor

Excerpts from "Platoon"

Wed, Feb. 15th, 2006, 12:57 pm

Dammit. Before I leave this town, I'm going to have my industrial/goth rock band. Anyone who plays instruments, let me know if you're interested. Steven, especially you.

Influences:
Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy, Joy Divsion ,Skinny Puppy, Interpol, Front Line Assembly, etc

Tue, Feb. 14th, 2006, 03:22 pm

Does anyone have any suggestions on a place to work that isn't Dial America?
I want to smash my face through my glass desk every time I think about going there. Preferably retail?
Thanks.

Mon, Feb. 13th, 2006, 12:13 pm

Updates:
I am sick today. Really sick. I didn't go to class today, but I know we didn't really do anything important, and I'm not well enough to even get to the damn kitchen. I woke up and I started to bleed profusely from my nose and it didn't stop from 8 till about 9:30 so I feel kind of weak. I think it's because I have a sinus infection. I need to change my damn sheets/pillow cases now. Fucker.
Anyway, I'm in college now. It's better than wasting my life away working in a glass ceiling job. It's exciting to learn a lot of new stuff. But outside of that, I'm pretty unhappy.
I'm dating Kara which is great, but that's really one of my only finer points. I'm not quite sure what's going on, maybe I'm just hitting a bout of winter depression. I've just felt kind of lethargic and dull minded lately.
I have a really bad urge to go to the zoo.
I think before I join the military I'm going to go on a massive road trip for a month or so. I'd like to drive the country and just see all of the amazing history and all of the more profound Americana that's around me. I figure if I might die for this country, I might as well know exactly what it is. I should start planning that.
Gotta figure out what to do for valentine's day. I really don't like the holiday because of it's comercialism property, but at the same time, I'm just as big of a consumer than everyone else.
One final note before I lay back down to sleep away my sickness:
The "Mood" selection on LJ is the most rediculous thing ever. I was just scrolling through it and I thought "Which of these preset emotions identifies me at this time."
I then realized what a sham of a human being I am. And that we all probably are.

Tue, Dec. 27th, 2005, 08:52 pm

A party friend of mine died last night. His name was Keo. I didn't directly know him too well, outside of several in depth conversations at many different parties, but what a good guy. Something happened with his thyroid, I don't know what. If you knew him, keep him in prayer. We will be of the lesser without him.

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